Intimacy (In-To-Me-See), If I Let You!
We grow up in families who show us what love looks like…sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes not. We spend most of our early adult life hoping someone else will make all the ‘wrongs’ ‘right’. But as we later discover, happiness is an inside job and real intimacy is only possible when we have it with ourselves first. Some of us who have come from painful childhoods yearn deeply for an intimacy we never had and those of us who share ourselves too quickly often lack boundaries. We give away too much, too fast. Or, we are closed off and deeply fear being judged, laughed at, abandoned or unloveable if we share our true colours. It’s a risk to open our hearts.
But a worthwhile risk, and this is why; Vulnerability is the birthplace of authenticity. Authenticity is the gateway to true intimacy. Here’s your roadmap to the gateway:
Start with yourself. Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself “I love you”. It is guaranteed to feel weird, so get over it. Drop your mask of trying to be perfect, and accept your flaws. I know, it’s foreign, it’s awkward, it’s difficult and it’s worth it. Just try it already.
Next, as you acknowledge the “not so nice” parts of yourself, you will find that you will begin to accept those of your partner. Promise. Yes, there are likely parts of them that annoy you, but making a conscious choice to appreciate their goodness is a step in the right direction.
If you find there are pieces just too hard to accept, you have a bigger problem. Try a therapist. I highly recommend Imago Therapy (there are practitioners all over the globe), for its pragmatic approach to communication. Watch this for a quick intro, skip the first 30 seconds Imago Introduction
Most people don’t talk about the tough stuff and choose instead to live on the surface of life. There are consequences to that. Physical, emotional and soulful consequences. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not suggesting you become an unfiltered mouthpiece for every raw emotion you experience. But I am suggesting a step toward speaking your truth, saying no when required, feeling for the words that sound grounded and sincere. Dare to be emotionally honest, for an hour, for a day, for a week. You’ll see, once experienced, there’ll be no going back. You got this.
Watch this video from TEDx Talks, Nicole Daedone, Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman. The juicy part is at 5:30. You’re welcome.
For the most compelling conversation about vulnerability watch Dr Brené Brown’s Ted Talk (if you haven’t already)
Written by: Gail Scott, Life Coach and Professional Speaker