Being Emotionally Honest Is Awesome!
You’ve heard the phrase, “Be you, because everyone else is taken”? Rockstar advice, right? But the complication is, a lot of us are very concerned about what other people think and just ‘being you’ is a risky business. After all, when judgement and criticism come our way it hurts so much more when we’ve exposed our ‘real’ self, rather than a guarded façade.
So how exactly do we get comfortable ‘being ourselves’ and taking the risk of saying what we really think and feel? Before I get into my hit list, let’s take a second to consider the following:
Did you know that the odds of being born are, get this….one in 400 trillion! That. Is. CRAZY! If that didn’t give you goosebumps, go back and read it again. Just like your fingerprint, you’re completely unique AND you are irreplaceable. That’s gotta be worth a “Hallelujah! Sweet Jesus!” moment?!
So you’re unique and irreplaceable, when you look at yourself through that lens doesn’t it just make sense that being you is the only way to go through life? But as always, it’s your choice, you’re the writer of your life’s script. Don’t let me tell you you’re worth it, tell yourself.
If all this is floating your boat so far, I’ll share my own secret sauce of how I got comfortable ‘being me’. See if it resonates with you:
Be emotionally honest. Being you, means speaking your truth. And I’m not talking about expressing the ‘HARD truth’ here and letting your words take people out like an AK47. I’m talking about thoughtful, measured words, backed by the intention to be kind. I believe being honest is also a learned art, especially as most of us weren’t exactly encouraged to speak our minds. Practice with something innocuous, for example:
If I’m late, once arrived, I’ll say something like this, “I am so sorry. I have no good excuse for why I’m late. Apparently I mismanaged my time.” 99% of the time the person I’m speaking to smiles and sincerely says, “It’s ok!”. No BS excuses, because let’s face it, we’ve all heard them before, just straight up, “I’m sorry, I messed up”.
Here are the side effects of speaking your truth, it’s big! You’re gonna like this…
1.Relief. Less inner squirming and mental gymnastics are required when you just speak your truth. If you can’t be emotionally honest in the moment, try this, “Let me think about that for a bit and I’ll get back to you.”
2. Goodbye regrets of over-promising. You’ll never regret speaking honestly from your heart, you’ll always regret saying ‘yes’ just to please someone else. A ‘polite’ approach isn’t always the best approach – here’s looking at you my Canadian lovelies 😉
3. Trust. You’ll establish yourself as someone who says what they mean and means what they say. In other words, people trust that you’re not BS-ing them. Always a good idea.
4. Respect. When you value and respect your own thoughts and feelings others will too, it’s two sides of the same coin. And btw, those that don’t respect your thoughts and feelings probably shouldn’t be in your life anyway.
5. Manipulation dies. Being you also means that you believe that your needs and wants are important. Lemme break it down: I spent most of my life not knowing how to ask for what I needed, believing that my needs were unimportant. Therefore, my default was to manipulate, not in a deviant and deceptive way, but in an unconscious way. Manipulation dies in the wake of honesty.
6. It’s a gift to others. Say what? When you tell your truth you take the guess work out of your words. Meaning, I’m not walking away from our conversation thinking, “Did she really mean that, or was she just saying what she thinks I want to hear?”. People don’t want to jump through hoops to figure out what you really mean, so give everyone the gift of clarity and don’t spark up their BS-Barometer. Added bonus here? Honesty adds substance to conversations, encourages healthier connections and if we can really listen to each other, better understanding of where the other’s coming from. Honesty is a gateway to evolution and improvement.
The last part of my secret sauce is this:
Not only will being you, emotionally honest you, become addictive, it will also help inspire the people in your life to do the same. When you’re in the presence of someone who is good with just being themselves, how does it make you feel? Your answer could reveal a lot about how comfortable you are in your own skin. So, love the skin you’re in people, it’s one of a kind!
I believe that we are all better off when we can connect and share. Share this if you’re in a sharing kinda mood and leave your own unique perspective right here.
Written by: Rachel Matthews Burton, Host of Tabella
Image: Courtesy Of Jess Thompson. Thanks Jess!